THE NAME GAME

"The inheritance of a distinguished and noble name is a proud inheritance to him who lives worthily of it" -- British writer Charles Caleb Colton

Indeed, having a distinguished -- dare we say, cool? -- name can definitely make a person stand out in a crowd, and it's even better if they can have some spotlight and fame. One of the favorite parts of college football for many is recruiting, sometimes to the point where it supersedes what happens on the field. 

Websites and old-school newsletter gurus are quick to grade recruiting hauls each year, with the same cast of characters at or near the top. That’s all fine and good, though a tad silly to rate a class when none of the players have so much as set foot on a collegiate gridiron. It’s why all of those rankings should be taken with a grain of skepticism.

While ranking the best classes and players is actually better done after two or three seasons, ranking the best names each year can be done almost immediately because they aren’t going to change. I have always been fascinated by cool names, going back to the 1970s when Oklahoma had Elvis Peacock and Nebraska had I.M. Hipp and Alabama had Major Ogilvie, moving into the 1980s with Lawyer Tillman at Auburn and into the early 2000s with D'Brickashaw Ferguson at Virginia and I-Perfection Harris at Georgia Tech (among many others, in all decades). Cool names have always been a thing for me, which is why I always scour the Signing Day lists to find out which will stand out above all others.

I mean, where is the excitement in "Tom Smith with the reception!?" There isn't any. It sounds like every other play. But change it to "Plaxico Burress with the grab!" or "Pierre Garcon is the man of the hour!" and it excites you. Doesn't it?

There will be two sections to this endeavor: breaking players into groups based on names, and then the overall best names by position (two at each spot, or three if the name pool is deeper).

CATEGORIES

BIBLICAL SCHOLARS: DB Genesis Smith and LB Leviticus Su’a (both Arizona), and DL Messiah Blair (Eastern Michigan)

ALL OVER THE MAP: QB Indiana Wijay (Houston), TE Lafayette Kauiway (TCU), LB Houston Hendrix (Air Force), DB Harlem Howard (Oregon State), DB Montana Warren (Arizona State), ATH Journey McKoy (Nevada)

TOP GUN-NERS: DL Maverick Noonan (Nebraska) and LB K’Vion Thunderbird (Arizona State)

I WANT MY MTV: OL De’Eric MISTER (Minnesota) and DB MISTER Clark (FIU), with guitar solos by DB SANTANA Banner (Northern Illinois)

ROYALTY: DB King Mack (Penn State) and DL Princewill Umanmielen (Maryland)

TOOLBOX GUYS: OLs Hannes Hammer (Virginia Tech) and Patrick Screws (Georgia Tech)

MONEY MEN: QB Cash Turner (South Alabama) and DL Blake Purchase (Oregon)

THE GREAT OUTDOORS: DBs River Hanson (Duke) and Canyon Moses (Arizona)

AT THE ZOO: OL Rhino Tapaatoutai (Arizona) and WR Tiger Bachmeier (Stanford)

NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON’T: ATH Dash Dorsey (Kent State)

OCCUPATIONAL TRAINING: ATHs Mikal Harrison-Pilot (Houston) and Judge Collier (South Carolina)

NIL DEAL WITH DRAFT KINGS/FANDUEL: DB Zyeir Gamble (Appalachian State)

With that out of the way, it is now time to present the best names of the 2023 college football recruiting cycle. 

                              2023 COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECRUITING ALL-NAME TEAM

OFFENSE

QB Keldric Luster/SMU; Jax Leatherwood/Nevada;

RB Raydrian McKneely/Memphis; Zakkarii Black/Utah State;

RB Jakivion Calip/Central Michigan; Qu’Ran Gossett/UTEP;

WR Jaquaize Pettaway/Oklahoma; Daquayvious Sorey/Auburn

WR Yazeed Haynes/Georgia; Vandrevius Jacobs/Florida State

WR Cataurus Hicks/Louisville; Shatavious Hogan/Central Michigan

TE   Rowdy Beers/FIU (Captain, for now and all time as the greatest name ever for college, and college football); Exavious Reed/Southern Miss

OL Zalance Heard/LSU; Chimdy Onoh/Penn State

OL Madden Sanker/Louisville; Deandre Duffus/Maryland

OL RyQueze McElderry/Alabama; Knijeah Harris/Florida

OL Jatavius Shivers/South Carolina; Chrisdasson Saint-Jean/Florida Atlantic

OL Obadiah Obasuyi/NC State; Landry Cannon/Tulane

DEFENSE

DL Adepoju Adebawore; Oklahoma; Yhonzae Pierre/Alabama; Bai Jobe/Michigan State;

DL Boubacar Traore/Notre Dame; Chandavian Bradley/Tennessee; Tell Wade/Wyoming

DL Collins Acheampong/Miami; Stephiylan Green/Clemson; Monteque Rhames/South Carolina

DL My’Keil Gardner/Oregon; Aymeric Koumba/Michigan; Deijon Laffitte/USC

LB Suntarine Perkins/Ole Miss; Stanquan Clark/Louisville

LB Victory Johnson/Colorado; Blesyng Alualu-Tuiolemotu/UNLV

LB Latreveon McCutchin/Houston; Brayshawn Littlejohn/Missouri

DB MarJayveous Moss/Memphis; Jshawn Frausto-Ramos/Stanford; Sailasa Vadrawale/California;

DB Diesel Gordon/Washington; Zion Gunn/Purdue; Rushaun Tongue/Wake Forest;

DB Lamodrick Spencer/SMU; Syncere Safeeullah/Nebraska; Ah’Marion Ashley/Fresno State

DB DaKaari Nelson/Penn State; Randon Fontanelle/TCU; Watts McBride/Iowa

DB Zahbari Sandy/South Carolina; Cruce Brookins/Pittsburgh; Kadiyon Sweat/Utah State

FCS REPRESENTATIVE: DB Dude Person/Central Arkansas

SPECIALISTS

PK Jackson Kleather/Bowling Green

 P  Hudson Kaak/Oklahoma State

ATH Micah Tease/Texas A&M; Quindarrius Jones/Florida State; Desirrio Riles/Indiana; TyLyric Coleman/Virginia

QUICK NOTE: All-name recruiting teams are something I have done since the early 1990s when I worked full time for Buckeye Sports Bulletin, covering Ohio State and Big Ten recruiting. I was always fascinated by cool names, and started out with just the best of the Big Ten before branching out and looking at all FBS teams and their signees. As far as I know, no one has been doing this longer – though if they have I would love to see some of their choices.

What are some of your favorites, from this year and all-time?